Sunday, November 06, 2005
After a Stormy Saturday, Sunday was calm yet overcast and still cool out. It has been a feature to stay home from the church of my youth and adult life lately. The church is based on lies, it expects it's members to be honest, but the church has a long tradition of hiding its warts and undesirable underbelly. For me it starts with the founder and leader of the Mormon church, Joseph Smith. His conitnual denials of polygamy for a decade all the while practicing it. Today the leader of the church denies a common held belief in public, Don't Mormons believe that God was once a man?", his reponses " I wouldn't say that", "I don't know that we teach it. I don't know that we emphasize it."
The phone rang this afternoon, it was an old friend from my youth. After he was divorced, he dabbled with stuff that he shouldn't have, a "loving church" in it's infinite wisdom decides to throw him out of the church. Now he calls at the last minute and tells me he is getting rebaptized into the Mormon church and he wanted me to attend tonight. I was not sure how to handle this situation. When he told me he was moving to Idaho later this week, I thought I should go to at least wish him well on his journey. It was a bitter sweet experience, it was nice to see him and he did bask in the fellowship of the people who were there, but yet rejoining a church I feel is based on a lie wasn't my idea of a celebration.
The baptism was actually a no frills baptism, one short welcome back to the fold and it was off to the font then the confirmation. I was grateful for the simple ceremony, never seen one this basic, but he was an excommunicated member rejoining the fold, some times in these cases, the exed member will be rebaptized with out any announcement to the general congregation at all.
I didn't feel it was my place to drop a bomb on his time and tell him I was one step from completely leaving the church, and that I came because he is my friend. I did wish him luck on his new job and hope he is happy with it.
I did meet up with some folks from my early days at the baptism, one, an old bishop from another ward, who also was a branch president of a branch that I grew up in. I found out that I was the last one in the branch to serve a mission until daughter served a mission. He doesn't live in the branch, he travels in, so his comment was suprising since I left for a mission 23 years ago.
When the confirmation came up, all melchezidec preisthood holders were welcome to attend the circle while he was confirmed a member of the church. I had already thought this out, if I was specifically called, I felt I had done no wrong, it was the church who did, so I wouldn't be bashful if called upon to join them. I sat it out and listened while a nervous young missionary fumbled through the confirmation, I had to chuckle a bit, I had been in his shoes at one time.
I sit here wondering what to do with my membership, I feel it will be a matter of time and I resign, but whether it will be a month or 10 years is the question. My friends baptism shows to everyone in a public way that he had recommitted himself to the church's ways, I have a similar feeling aobut resignation, it would be my public display of my convictions about the church. I don't have alot holding me back, neither do I have pressure to decide now. I ponder the decision quite often and the longer I do, the more I realize I am no longer a Mormon.
I don't want to pretend I am on board to folks I know outside the ward I am in, but I would still like to retain their friendship. Since I realized the truth about the church, I have had to do alot of my own thinking to just about everything, I have had consider how I should tell to those I know inside the church. It is a really difficult process, my whole life was in the church, most folks I know are in the church and it is not them I have issues with. I understand all to well how and why they stick their head in the sand about historical facts on the church, it can be devistating.
My sweet wife has just let church drop, no need to resign, why should she? The church she left received no resignation, why should she start now? She seems to handle the transition much better than I. I am still affected by church, my oldest is attending seminary every morning, she feels she needs a church and the social life involved. She has been made aware of our concerns and we understand her needs.
I know I didn't want to use this blog to unload, there is so many good things to talk about and I had committed to writing about those things, but I have been wrestling with the above issues now for over two years, do I want to wrestle with these things another two?
The phone rang this afternoon, it was an old friend from my youth. After he was divorced, he dabbled with stuff that he shouldn't have, a "loving church" in it's infinite wisdom decides to throw him out of the church. Now he calls at the last minute and tells me he is getting rebaptized into the Mormon church and he wanted me to attend tonight. I was not sure how to handle this situation. When he told me he was moving to Idaho later this week, I thought I should go to at least wish him well on his journey. It was a bitter sweet experience, it was nice to see him and he did bask in the fellowship of the people who were there, but yet rejoining a church I feel is based on a lie wasn't my idea of a celebration.
The baptism was actually a no frills baptism, one short welcome back to the fold and it was off to the font then the confirmation. I was grateful for the simple ceremony, never seen one this basic, but he was an excommunicated member rejoining the fold, some times in these cases, the exed member will be rebaptized with out any announcement to the general congregation at all.
I didn't feel it was my place to drop a bomb on his time and tell him I was one step from completely leaving the church, and that I came because he is my friend. I did wish him luck on his new job and hope he is happy with it.
I did meet up with some folks from my early days at the baptism, one, an old bishop from another ward, who also was a branch president of a branch that I grew up in. I found out that I was the last one in the branch to serve a mission until daughter served a mission. He doesn't live in the branch, he travels in, so his comment was suprising since I left for a mission 23 years ago.
When the confirmation came up, all melchezidec preisthood holders were welcome to attend the circle while he was confirmed a member of the church. I had already thought this out, if I was specifically called, I felt I had done no wrong, it was the church who did, so I wouldn't be bashful if called upon to join them. I sat it out and listened while a nervous young missionary fumbled through the confirmation, I had to chuckle a bit, I had been in his shoes at one time.
I sit here wondering what to do with my membership, I feel it will be a matter of time and I resign, but whether it will be a month or 10 years is the question. My friends baptism shows to everyone in a public way that he had recommitted himself to the church's ways, I have a similar feeling aobut resignation, it would be my public display of my convictions about the church. I don't have alot holding me back, neither do I have pressure to decide now. I ponder the decision quite often and the longer I do, the more I realize I am no longer a Mormon.
I don't want to pretend I am on board to folks I know outside the ward I am in, but I would still like to retain their friendship. Since I realized the truth about the church, I have had to do alot of my own thinking to just about everything, I have had consider how I should tell to those I know inside the church. It is a really difficult process, my whole life was in the church, most folks I know are in the church and it is not them I have issues with. I understand all to well how and why they stick their head in the sand about historical facts on the church, it can be devistating.
My sweet wife has just let church drop, no need to resign, why should she? The church she left received no resignation, why should she start now? She seems to handle the transition much better than I. I am still affected by church, my oldest is attending seminary every morning, she feels she needs a church and the social life involved. She has been made aware of our concerns and we understand her needs.
I know I didn't want to use this blog to unload, there is so many good things to talk about and I had committed to writing about those things, but I have been wrestling with the above issues now for over two years, do I want to wrestle with these things another two?
# posted by Trail Seeker @ 11:15 PM 
